Hello. Are you (not) breastfeeding???

The main reason why I wanted to write this post is to cheer up fresh mommies who can’t breastfeed or have some difficulties.  

Don’t get me wrong. I agree that breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby and you as well. Plus, it doesn’t cost a thing, you don’t spend time by preparing the formula, you don’t need to sterilize all the ****. The milk is instant. Can’t beat it. Who wouldn’t agree? But when it is not working it is not workiiiiing. Nothing you can do.

Source: https://imgur.com/gallery/gfFOT

My experience – a month long story short

I wanted to put this chapter to the bottom of the article but if I don’t share my experience I think the article would lost its value.

This is my long story short without too much emotion. πŸ˜€

β†’ Hospital β†’ planned C-section β†’ Stomach issues ? β†’ Diet β†’ Hungry baby ? β†’ Little bit of formula β†’ No milk ? β†’ Home. Hooray. β†’ Yay. Milk is knocking on the door ? β†’ WTF. No strawberries. No honey. No walnuts. Really? It is my breakfast. What am I going to eat? ? β†’ Dieting ? β†’ THE MILK decided to leave at the doorsteps β†’ Contacting a “milk woman” β†’ “All is wrong, she says” ?‍♀️→ Some kind of stress I cannot see β†’ Drinking gallons of water. Trying all the tech thingies. β†’ 20ml. Hell yeah! ? β†’ Formula because otherwise the baby is very very hungry β†’ Everyday and night over and over β†’ Sleep deprivation gets multiplied ? β†’ Slowly giving up… and slowly increasing my coffee intake…

I want to keep the post optimistic so let’s start with the things that does not suck about not breastfeeding.

Things that DON’T SUCK about not breastfeeding πŸ™‚

? The baby sleeps longer. You can sleep longer.

As the formula is loaded with “stuff” the baby sleeps longer. Instead of lighter mother milk Half&Half you feed it with Heavy cream. πŸ˜€ My daughter was able to sleep from 3 to 5 hours.

? You are not on a special diet

You don’t have to care what you put in your stomach. If you breastfeed you should keep quite a strict diet, definitely at the beginning. For example no strawberries, not nuts, no oranges, lemons, pretty much all allergens. Fresh bread and pastry. What else?

? You can drink as much coffee as you can πŸ˜€

I wouldn’t be able to survive the sleep deprivation without coffee. The first month I had strictly only half a cup per day. Later, yes, my favorite filtered coffee become my best friend.

? You don’t have to worry to show your boobies in public

Pulling these out is simple! πŸ™‚

Some girls worry, some are okay with it. But if you are the worrying kind and would have to hide in case somebody sees your breasts, know that pulling out a bottle with formula is a piece of cake. πŸ˜€

? You can make someone else to feed your baby and go do yoga or party

You can make others do the hard work. Grandparents, your boyfriend/husband, your friend. And they can do it any time. At 8am in the morning, 5pm or 2am in the morning.

You can drink like a fish

Well, some women might take it as an advantage. πŸ™‚

I am adding 3 extra benefits of not breastfeeding, based on my friend’s experience who breastfed her baby boy. πŸ™‚

Your hormones won’t be playing with you

Two hormones affect directly breastfeeding: prolactin and oxytocin. I assume that when the breastfeeding is not working those two hormones lack in your body so you can “rest” πŸ™‚

There is no one biting your…ehm…precious

Please choose the right word from this list: 101 different names for boobs πŸ™‚

Source: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/a47859/101-different-names-boobs/

No sore breasts

I have heard this many many times that breastfeeding was.. instead of an enjoyable act rather a nightmare. I guess it is all very individual.

Things that SUCK about not breastfeeding at the very beginning

? Scrutinizing questions over your breastfeeding

Everyone kept asking the same question over and over and over again. The question was.. tadaaa… “Are you breastfeeding?”.

I found it very amusing. Instead of asking the baby’s health, you got this question about your breast… if they “produce” the very important milk. πŸ˜€ It almost felt like every mom’s boobs are a public property. Every one can ask you if you breast feed. Normally no one would ask you about your breasts except your doctor or probably your husband when he wants to point out that you got cold and make silly comments ?

If I ever have a second child and someone ask me that question I could probably use a term β€œGo s**k yourself” ?

? The smart people with lots of advice

The smartest are usually relatives πŸ˜€ Sorry to all you know I am talking about.

Source: https://www.todaysparent.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/TP-June-Humour-Breastfeeding-Struggle-article6.jpg

? Your head & the final decision

I didn’t understand why it didn’t work and as I am very good at analyzing things πŸ˜€ I kept analyzing and analyzing but with no result. I just didn’t figure out.
No wonder people often stay “It is all in your head!”. I agree with it. It was hard for me to let go. What helped me out was to tell myself.. “You did all you could”. And what is most important is the baby’s health and not a stressed out mommy.

Sometimes I think it is us mothers who desperately want to be the perfect moms and failure is not accepted in our world. We are too hard on ourselves. We should be more kind to ourselves.

❀️ ❀️ ❀️

P.S. If you got this far I want to thank you for reading my post. I hope it made you laugh at least once. And if you just smiled a bit that’s great as well. πŸ™‚

Enjoy the very last day of the year 2019.
And have a wonderful New Year 2020.
See you!

Vocabulary πŸ™‚

As I learn new words by writing these posts I decided to share them with you. Not everyone who reads this is a native English speaker.

  • Reprehensible – extremely bad and not acceptable
  • Lactation consultant – well, that is obvious πŸ˜€
  • Drink like a fish – to drink a lot of alcohol, often.